Endometriosis, maybe?

Last week when I saw Dr. Taeff for a follow up she did a CA125 blood test. My results came back elevated, which according to the internet can mean a variety of things, but according to Dr. Taeff possibly indicates endometriosis: a condition of the uterine lining which might be complicating attempts at implantation. So she recommended six weeks of yet another different combination of hormones and retesting on May 7 to see if things look better.

I consulted with Dr. Machac in Brno who agreed with Dr. Taeff's plan. And we agreed that this wouldn't work with the May 17 frozen embryo transfer we had previously scheduled - because we wouldn't be able to start the hormone protocol for that until this is over.

So no we are looking at early June instead for my return trip to Brno. I'm impatient to try again and it'll be a little more expensive to go then because its summer season, but obviously if we can do something to increase the changes of implantation - its a good plan to wait two more weeks.

Side note: if anyone is counting, I just realized that I've posted considerably more so far in 2013 than 2011 and 2012 combined. I know I was remiss at blogging in recent years, but I'm making up for it now!

Spring Cleaning

Yesterday was beautiful - sunny and in the 70s. So spring was in the air and we got inspired to do a bit of spring cleaning. Azra and I cleaned most of the windows inside and out and opened all the storm windows. Miran mowed the lawn. I cosmetically improved the grout in Miran's bathroom with a grout pen - which basically means painted over the tile joint with white paint. It looks good though. Here are some pictures of Miran and Azra at work.

The biggest project of the day though was cleaning out / straightening the work shop. Its been a disaster for years - almost inaccessible and impossible to find anything. I went in looking for some black paint to touch up some things in the house - but ended up taking everything out, cleaning, and putting it all back in nicely. Its amazing how nicely it all fit when everything actually went on shelves or under the tables. Its hard to believe, but I  only threw away one trash bag full of stuff. Here are some before and after shots for dramatic effect:

Sad news about Chris Otto

I'm saddened because I just learned that yesterday I lost a great mentor and  historian and teacher: Chris Otto. Though he had been battling cancer for over a year, it was totally under control and his death was quite unexpected.

We last exchanged emails about a month ago when he generously wrote yet another letter of recommendation for me and mailed it off to some job I don't really even want.

Here is a link to the obituary that will run tomorrow in the Ithaca Journal and a picture of how I remember him: on his 60th birthday on a decorated charter bus somewhere in Central Europe - smiling as usual!

Dream House

And for those of you I haven't talked to in the past few days, if you are wondering why I mentioned staging our house for selling in the last post, the reason I have house-selling on the brain is because I've completely fallen in love with a house for sale across town.

Its not super realistic that we could sell and move right now, but I can't stop dreaming about it. It is so open with such big windows and so architecturally interesting and modern - plus it has an cool fenced courtyard and two decks (one with a pergola covered in vines) - usable outdoor space is something we are lacking in our huge, empty yard. It has an updated kitchen with new appliances and a 2-car garage. Its about 2400 square feet with 4 bedrooms plus an office - so bigger and better configured than our current house. Plus, its located right between Miran and my work (he could walk and its a 4 minute drive for me), it backs onto an 8 mile greenway (which connects to a Montessori), and is in on a lovely landscaped cul-de-sac in a super cute neighborhood from which we could walk to shops and restaurants around a little lake (and a future light rail stop that I could take  to the University or all the way downtown). Its listed at only $200,000 - so about the same price as our house!

We went to see it two days ago and I have become obsessed, but Miran is being much more practical - he is focused on the steep HOA monthly dues and some rotting wood on the decks and the roof which might need replacing. I have a call in to a realtor to come look at our house and tell us what we could list it for and if she thinks it would sell quickly, but Miran is probably right that it is financially risky right now and would cost us more a month than our current house.

For fun, here are a few pictures - isn't it great? The last picture is of the lake with shops, restaurants, playgrounds, and paddle-boats a few blocks away. It would be such a great location to live for Azra and for Milada, who we think will be moving in with us next January.

Other things going on around our house

I've only posted about fertility stuff for the past few weeks, so I figured its long overdue that I post about something else.

Last week-end Azra cleaned out the dead stuff in the vegetable garden and next week-end Miran hopes to turn over the soil and plant some stuff for this year. Here are some before and after shots and one of Azra at work bagging up all the debris.

Meanwhile Miran used his new chainsaw to chop up a big branch that fell in our neighbors yard. Unfortunately I didn't get outside in time for an action shot - but here is the after shot.

And the hall bathroom got a new shower curtain and bath mat. I bought these months ago but never put them in the bathroom because I was thinking about repainting the walls. I haven't gotten around to that yet, but the old shower curtain needed to go!

Today I randomly bought a little table and chairs on Craig's List for $30 - yes $30. The fake leather on the chairs is pretty scuffed, but at that price I don't mind. We don't really need them, but I thought they would look cute downstairs and be a nice place to sit when we eat or work in front of the TV. Also, I thought they would be perfect in the kitchen if we want to stage it as eat-in if we try to sell our house.

Plan B (or actually F? G? H? - I've lost count)

We are still sad of course, but I'm feeling a little better because we've started planning for the next step. I've been in contact with Dr. Machac in Brno this week-end and made an appointment for a Frozen Embryo Transfer on Friday, May 17.

That's the week after the semester ends so I'll be free to go back and should be feeling very relaxed. I'll go by myself this time to save money - but it looks like I'll fly as far as Munich on the same plane as Azra  (she's heading back to Sarajevo for the summer) - so that will be fun for both of us.  We were upset because we didn't know when we'd have the money to go back, but my wonderful Mom and Dad offered to get me the plane ticket. That is about 60% of the cost of the trip, so we figured we could come up with the rest! We are so lucky and grateful and appreciative that we have such generous parents: Daddy gave us the plane tickets for the last trip, which also helped tremendously. We literally couldn't do this without all their help!

It feels good to be looking ahead and thinking about the next step, instead of dwelling only on the last failure, even if I'm not quite as positive and optimistic as before that trip.

official confirmation of what we thought ...

I just talked to the nurse who told me the blood test I went in for this morning confirmed what the at home test said this morning, and what we've pretty much known since Friday: we aren't pregnant.

I'm frustrated and I'm sad, but I've had a few days to prepare for it. Even though I knew, I guess I was entertaining a sliver of hope because I've been pretty down all day. I'm starting to wonder if it was better years ago, before all this technology, when doctors told ladies they couldn't have kids and they were upset but dealt with it once and then lived with it. Instead, now we have to deal with it over and over and over again for years.

The only consolations are that we have four embryos waiting for us in Brno and that the frozen embryo transfer is much less expensive than the whole process we went through this time. Of course that trip still costs something and it may take us some time to get organized to afford to go back - and of course the odds decrease a little each time because we put the strongest of the six embryos in already.

Doubts 2/3s of the way through the wait

I just posted three times to finish up everything from our trip, but now wanted to quickly update everyone on how I am feeling and how we've begun to doubt this whole thing worked.

[warning ... there may be too much information for some below ... but I don't know how to explain the situation without giving a few gory details ... sorry]

Unfortunately, I have had a period the past few days so we are very discouraged and fear the worst. Everything went so perfectly and our numbers were all above our expectations on the trip so we were feeling so positive, and we're still trying not to completely give up. I've had multiple conversations with my nurse at the clinic here in Charlotte and she says bleeding doesn't have to mean I've lost the little guys and that one of the drugs I am taking often causes bleeding. She also thought it was unusual to have a period so soon after embryo transfer so it could be from implantation. I feel like she has seen more of these cases than I have so wouldn't give me false hope unless she really thought there was a chance I'm pregnant. But based on extensive reading online - it sure seems more like a period than implantation bleeding.

So I'm trying to stay upbeat and positive - and I've been  resting. I even called in sick to work Friday. We spent a couple hours yesterday having both our cars worked on at the VW dealer, and while we were there we test drove a Routan, which is a minivan, so definitely a car we'd only buy if we had twins. I've also wasted hours completely planned out the nursery (with two cribs) and picked out the furniture and accessories. So we are trying to act like its all ok and proceeding according to plan. But to be honest we have our doubts.

We'll find out for sure on Thursday when I go in for a blood test. So prepare yourselves for bad news, because that is what we are doing.

Brno

And in case anyone is interested, here are a very few of the very many shots I took of Brno itself.

Starting with Freedom Square, the main public space in the center of the old town. Our hotel was just a few blocks from here so we passed through it on the way to just about everywhere. There is a 17th century Plague Column in the background, dedicated to victims of plagues.

In the foreground is a much more recently constructed black obelisik, commemorating victory over the Swedes who besieged Brno by the Swedes during the Thirty Years' War. After months of stalemated attack the Swedish general decided to give one last push before giving up and going to join the rest of the Swedish army in the attach on Vienna. His plan was to have an all out barrage until noon. The residents of Brno heard the plan, so they rang all the church bells in town an hour early at 11:00 to announce noon. The trick worked and the Swedes gave up and turned away. So if I understand it correctly, the obelisik is a clock with moving parts that line up at 11:00 am once a year and bells inside ring. The top ring rotates in a minute, the next ring in an hour and so on down to the annual ring. I thought it was pretty neat.

Here is a view up the hill towards the entrance to the Spilberk Castle - a medieval and early modern residence for the Margraves of Moravia, but more notoriously known as a Hapsburg prison - which it was for centuries after this region was absorbed into the Austrian empire.

And a view from the castle to the cathedral on its own hill across town.

Here are two shots of the medieval town hall of Brno - the first from inside its courtyard and the second the passage under the tower out to the street. There is a funny story about the crocodile hanging in the tunnel, who is know as the Brno Dragon. I read a couple different versions of the story while I was there, but I'll just relate the funniest. There was a legend that a dragon was ravaging crops and killing people around town. A reward was offered for its capture. An enterprising nobleman who was trying to get in good with the town father's so he could trade with Brno brought this crocodile that a friend of his had killed in the Amazon and gave it to the city. He said it was the dragon and he had killed it. The city was thrilled and have displayed it ever since.

And finally, another interesting story is about this ossuary, under the Church of St. Jacob. Apparently in 2001 they discovered 50,000 skeletons buried under the church. So to display this newly discovered space and its contents - allegedly the second largest ossuary in Europe after the catacombs in Paris - they covered the walls in the all the bones. Look closely at the close up of the wall on the right side and you'll see skulls and the ends of arm and leg bones. Now image all the rest of the walls in this room and a few others are the same! Crazy and creepy ... but kind of cool.

Last Supper

The night before we left Brno, we invited everyone out to dinner at restaurant/brewery we'd been to earlier in the week and really liked. It was a really wonderful evening and everyone had a great time.

Here is everyone at the table - a real family reunion - just Azra was missing :(.

 

Here are the kids color with some crayons and paper we brought them - which turned out to have been a great idea. They ran around a lot and the restaurant and other patrons were very patient. Everyone was joking that watching Dante and Niki play and Didi run after them was like watching Jasko and Miran and Suzana thirty years ago. 

Here are some stylish pictures of Mimica and Suna posing at the bar.

All the gentlemen:

 And Miran with all the ladies:

And here is a view of the outside of the restaurant:

Dinner at Jasmin and Lucie's

Sorry I haven't posted since before we left Brno. As soon as we got home it was back to real life and hectic schedules. But I'm going to bring the blog back up to speed.

We really enjoyed all the time with family while we were in Brno and everyone was so wonderful and hospitable. We were invited to dinner at everyone's house - and at Suna and Mimica's more than once!

Here are a couple of pictures from the afternoon we spent at the apartment of Miran's cousin Jasmin (aka Jasko).  The pictures are of Jasko searching for a video to show us of when he visited their grandparents farm near Foca a few years ago, his children Dante and Diana (aka Didi - yes, everyone has a nickname here) in there very fun play/bedroom, the ladies (Aunt Suna, Jasko's wife Lucie, Milada and me), and Miran with Diana.

Miran definitely has a thing for little girls - and I don't mean that in a creepy way at all. But just like he is completely smitten with Maggie and Ingrid, he was just in love with Diana. He claims he wants us to have a son, but I think he definitely needs a couple of daughters!

4 Frozen!

We learned this morning that yesterday they froze 4 of our embryos - so we have a good number if this doesn't work and we have to come back in a few months for another transfer - or if this does work and we come back in a few years for more kids!

Of course I'm in the phase of analyzing every possible symptom, even though I know that I should really be experiencing anything yet. I did feel something like cramping yesterday, so maybe that was the little blastocysts burrowing into my uterus - or maybe it was my imagination.

Yesterday we slept late, I went for a short walk (after 24 hours in a stuff hotel room, I need a little fresh air) and then we went to Miran's cousin Jasmin's for dinner. It was a great meal and a nice visit. We got back to the hotel about 9:00 and I went straight to bed because I had a horrible migranie. Miran watched shows and movies for a few hours.

I'll post pictures from yesterday later tonight, but now we are headed out to walk around Brno for the afternoon with Milada and to meet EVERYONE for dinner at 5:00 at nice brewery restaurant we tried a few nights ago. It will be our farewell dinner as we head home tomrrow and will leave straight from the hotel in the morning!

Big Day!

Well today was the big day. We were early and were taken right in and everything went very smoothly. We learned that we had 6 blastocysts - 3 excellent, 1 very good, and 2 ok. We have three that haven't reached blastocyst stage yet. So they transferred two of the excellent ones.

Tomorrow they embryologist will evaluate and freeze all additional viable ones - so hopefully we'll have four to freeze. On Monday morning we will call to find out how many they froze.

Anyway, the whole procedure took about a minute, but they showed us an image of the blastocysts under the microscope before they started.

 And afterwards they did an ultrasound and gave us a picture. The oblong white spot in the middle towards the right are the two blastocysts together.

 

And here is our first family picture!

After that they put us in a room where I could rest for about half an hour. The acupuncturist came and did a follow up treatment. (If you look closely you can see needles in my ears). This lady is very rough and does things quite differently than my acupuncturist in Charlotte, so I wouldn't call her treatment today (or the longer one yesterday) very relaxing. But no matter, I figure it can't hurt.

And then we left. We were both really impressed and satisfied with Reprofit. Everything was so professional and the facilities were really nice and we really had a great experience. There is a pharmacy right in the building so I went ahead and bought the pills I'll need for the next few weeks because I'm sure they are more expensive at home. Here are some shots of us leaving the clinic.

So finally we made our way back to the hotel. Miran had preloaded some of my favorite funny movies on Bob (our tablet), so we watched Dodgeball and The Princess Bride so far. Miran is now napping, but I am kind of restless (its very hard to literally stay all day in bed when you don't feel sick). So I decided it was time for a post and look around on line.

I feel fine, but will do my best to take it easy for the rest of the day - and not to attempt too much tomorrow either! Thanks everyone for your good wishes - we are feeling very positive and confident. Of course now we have to wait a few weeks to confirm anything!

More Pictures!

Here are a couple of portraits we took of Milada and Miran in our last few hours walking around Prague Wednesday morning. As you can see it got in the upper 50s and we took our coats off at times. It was a little awkward because it was at that temperature where walking around in winter coats was too hot, but not wearing a coat was a little chilly. But we aren't complaining - the weather has been unbelievable - sunny and mild every day. A little cool in the evenings.

We've also done a bit of sight seeing in Brno as well as spending time with family. Here are a couple of shots from the museum in the Spilberk fortress where we went today with Milada and Aunt Snjezana, a.k.a. Suna. She is Milada's former-sister-in-law. The fortress was used by the Hapsburg as a prison for centuries, so the picture of me is in one of the cells. The first picture is from a series of rooms where you could see excavations of the medieval walls - as most of what is visible now is from the 18th century and later.

When we returned from Prague on Wednesday we had dinner at Miran's Aunts' apartment again and here is another group shot. I am sitting with Aunt Jasminka, a.k.a. Mimica - who is Suna's sister and who was Maid of Honor at Milada's wedding. They were all friends in college. On Mimicia's lap is Nikolas, a.k.a. Niki, son of Miran's cousin Suzana (in the arglie). No one will be surprised to learn that another nephew has learned the charms of Uncle Miran - except here he is called Daidza (pronounced something like Die-Ja) - which means uncle on the mother's side. I'm Daidzica (Die-Jee-Ca).

Tonight we had dinner at Suzana's. Her husband Zoran was there as well, but he hasn't made it into a picture yet. We also spent a few hours yesterday walking around with Suzana and Zoran yesterday. Here is photo and a video of Miran playing soccer and horsing around with Niki after dinner tonight. Eventually the ball knocked a glass off the table causing a big mess and the game ended. Suzana was very patient. I thought the kids might enjoy the video of Uncle Miran and their very distant cousin!