Other things going on around our house

I've only posted about fertility stuff for the past few weeks, so I figured its long overdue that I post about something else.

Last week-end Azra cleaned out the dead stuff in the vegetable garden and next week-end Miran hopes to turn over the soil and plant some stuff for this year. Here are some before and after shots and one of Azra at work bagging up all the debris.

Meanwhile Miran used his new chainsaw to chop up a big branch that fell in our neighbors yard. Unfortunately I didn't get outside in time for an action shot - but here is the after shot.

And the hall bathroom got a new shower curtain and bath mat. I bought these months ago but never put them in the bathroom because I was thinking about repainting the walls. I haven't gotten around to that yet, but the old shower curtain needed to go!

Today I randomly bought a little table and chairs on Craig's List for $30 - yes $30. The fake leather on the chairs is pretty scuffed, but at that price I don't mind. We don't really need them, but I thought they would look cute downstairs and be a nice place to sit when we eat or work in front of the TV. Also, I thought they would be perfect in the kitchen if we want to stage it as eat-in if we try to sell our house.

Plan B (or actually F? G? H? - I've lost count)

We are still sad of course, but I'm feeling a little better because we've started planning for the next step. I've been in contact with Dr. Machac in Brno this week-end and made an appointment for a Frozen Embryo Transfer on Friday, May 17.

That's the week after the semester ends so I'll be free to go back and should be feeling very relaxed. I'll go by myself this time to save money - but it looks like I'll fly as far as Munich on the same plane as Azra  (she's heading back to Sarajevo for the summer) - so that will be fun for both of us.  We were upset because we didn't know when we'd have the money to go back, but my wonderful Mom and Dad offered to get me the plane ticket. That is about 60% of the cost of the trip, so we figured we could come up with the rest! We are so lucky and grateful and appreciative that we have such generous parents: Daddy gave us the plane tickets for the last trip, which also helped tremendously. We literally couldn't do this without all their help!

It feels good to be looking ahead and thinking about the next step, instead of dwelling only on the last failure, even if I'm not quite as positive and optimistic as before that trip.

official confirmation of what we thought ...

I just talked to the nurse who told me the blood test I went in for this morning confirmed what the at home test said this morning, and what we've pretty much known since Friday: we aren't pregnant.

I'm frustrated and I'm sad, but I've had a few days to prepare for it. Even though I knew, I guess I was entertaining a sliver of hope because I've been pretty down all day. I'm starting to wonder if it was better years ago, before all this technology, when doctors told ladies they couldn't have kids and they were upset but dealt with it once and then lived with it. Instead, now we have to deal with it over and over and over again for years.

The only consolations are that we have four embryos waiting for us in Brno and that the frozen embryo transfer is much less expensive than the whole process we went through this time. Of course that trip still costs something and it may take us some time to get organized to afford to go back - and of course the odds decrease a little each time because we put the strongest of the six embryos in already.

Doubts 2/3s of the way through the wait

I just posted three times to finish up everything from our trip, but now wanted to quickly update everyone on how I am feeling and how we've begun to doubt this whole thing worked.

[warning ... there may be too much information for some below ... but I don't know how to explain the situation without giving a few gory details ... sorry]

Unfortunately, I have had a period the past few days so we are very discouraged and fear the worst. Everything went so perfectly and our numbers were all above our expectations on the trip so we were feeling so positive, and we're still trying not to completely give up. I've had multiple conversations with my nurse at the clinic here in Charlotte and she says bleeding doesn't have to mean I've lost the little guys and that one of the drugs I am taking often causes bleeding. She also thought it was unusual to have a period so soon after embryo transfer so it could be from implantation. I feel like she has seen more of these cases than I have so wouldn't give me false hope unless she really thought there was a chance I'm pregnant. But based on extensive reading online - it sure seems more like a period than implantation bleeding.

So I'm trying to stay upbeat and positive - and I've been  resting. I even called in sick to work Friday. We spent a couple hours yesterday having both our cars worked on at the VW dealer, and while we were there we test drove a Routan, which is a minivan, so definitely a car we'd only buy if we had twins. I've also wasted hours completely planned out the nursery (with two cribs) and picked out the furniture and accessories. So we are trying to act like its all ok and proceeding according to plan. But to be honest we have our doubts.

We'll find out for sure on Thursday when I go in for a blood test. So prepare yourselves for bad news, because that is what we are doing.

Brno

And in case anyone is interested, here are a very few of the very many shots I took of Brno itself.

Starting with Freedom Square, the main public space in the center of the old town. Our hotel was just a few blocks from here so we passed through it on the way to just about everywhere. There is a 17th century Plague Column in the background, dedicated to victims of plagues.

In the foreground is a much more recently constructed black obelisik, commemorating victory over the Swedes who besieged Brno by the Swedes during the Thirty Years' War. After months of stalemated attack the Swedish general decided to give one last push before giving up and going to join the rest of the Swedish army in the attach on Vienna. His plan was to have an all out barrage until noon. The residents of Brno heard the plan, so they rang all the church bells in town an hour early at 11:00 to announce noon. The trick worked and the Swedes gave up and turned away. So if I understand it correctly, the obelisik is a clock with moving parts that line up at 11:00 am once a year and bells inside ring. The top ring rotates in a minute, the next ring in an hour and so on down to the annual ring. I thought it was pretty neat.

Here is a view up the hill towards the entrance to the Spilberk Castle - a medieval and early modern residence for the Margraves of Moravia, but more notoriously known as a Hapsburg prison - which it was for centuries after this region was absorbed into the Austrian empire.

And a view from the castle to the cathedral on its own hill across town.

Here are two shots of the medieval town hall of Brno - the first from inside its courtyard and the second the passage under the tower out to the street. There is a funny story about the crocodile hanging in the tunnel, who is know as the Brno Dragon. I read a couple different versions of the story while I was there, but I'll just relate the funniest. There was a legend that a dragon was ravaging crops and killing people around town. A reward was offered for its capture. An enterprising nobleman who was trying to get in good with the town father's so he could trade with Brno brought this crocodile that a friend of his had killed in the Amazon and gave it to the city. He said it was the dragon and he had killed it. The city was thrilled and have displayed it ever since.

And finally, another interesting story is about this ossuary, under the Church of St. Jacob. Apparently in 2001 they discovered 50,000 skeletons buried under the church. So to display this newly discovered space and its contents - allegedly the second largest ossuary in Europe after the catacombs in Paris - they covered the walls in the all the bones. Look closely at the close up of the wall on the right side and you'll see skulls and the ends of arm and leg bones. Now image all the rest of the walls in this room and a few others are the same! Crazy and creepy ... but kind of cool.