official confirmation of what we thought ...

I just talked to the nurse who told me the blood test I went in for this morning confirmed what the at home test said this morning, and what we've pretty much known since Friday: we aren't pregnant.

I'm frustrated and I'm sad, but I've had a few days to prepare for it. Even though I knew, I guess I was entertaining a sliver of hope because I've been pretty down all day. I'm starting to wonder if it was better years ago, before all this technology, when doctors told ladies they couldn't have kids and they were upset but dealt with it once and then lived with it. Instead, now we have to deal with it over and over and over again for years.

The only consolations are that we have four embryos waiting for us in Brno and that the frozen embryo transfer is much less expensive than the whole process we went through this time. Of course that trip still costs something and it may take us some time to get organized to afford to go back - and of course the odds decrease a little each time because we put the strongest of the six embryos in already.

Doubts 2/3s of the way through the wait

I just posted three times to finish up everything from our trip, but now wanted to quickly update everyone on how I am feeling and how we've begun to doubt this whole thing worked.

[warning ... there may be too much information for some below ... but I don't know how to explain the situation without giving a few gory details ... sorry]

Unfortunately, I have had a period the past few days so we are very discouraged and fear the worst. Everything went so perfectly and our numbers were all above our expectations on the trip so we were feeling so positive, and we're still trying not to completely give up. I've had multiple conversations with my nurse at the clinic here in Charlotte and she says bleeding doesn't have to mean I've lost the little guys and that one of the drugs I am taking often causes bleeding. She also thought it was unusual to have a period so soon after embryo transfer so it could be from implantation. I feel like she has seen more of these cases than I have so wouldn't give me false hope unless she really thought there was a chance I'm pregnant. But based on extensive reading online - it sure seems more like a period than implantation bleeding.

So I'm trying to stay upbeat and positive - and I've been  resting. I even called in sick to work Friday. We spent a couple hours yesterday having both our cars worked on at the VW dealer, and while we were there we test drove a Routan, which is a minivan, so definitely a car we'd only buy if we had twins. I've also wasted hours completely planned out the nursery (with two cribs) and picked out the furniture and accessories. So we are trying to act like its all ok and proceeding according to plan. But to be honest we have our doubts.

We'll find out for sure on Thursday when I go in for a blood test. So prepare yourselves for bad news, because that is what we are doing.

Brno

And in case anyone is interested, here are a very few of the very many shots I took of Brno itself.

Starting with Freedom Square, the main public space in the center of the old town. Our hotel was just a few blocks from here so we passed through it on the way to just about everywhere. There is a 17th century Plague Column in the background, dedicated to victims of plagues.

In the foreground is a much more recently constructed black obelisik, commemorating victory over the Swedes who besieged Brno by the Swedes during the Thirty Years' War. After months of stalemated attack the Swedish general decided to give one last push before giving up and going to join the rest of the Swedish army in the attach on Vienna. His plan was to have an all out barrage until noon. The residents of Brno heard the plan, so they rang all the church bells in town an hour early at 11:00 to announce noon. The trick worked and the Swedes gave up and turned away. So if I understand it correctly, the obelisik is a clock with moving parts that line up at 11:00 am once a year and bells inside ring. The top ring rotates in a minute, the next ring in an hour and so on down to the annual ring. I thought it was pretty neat.

Here is a view up the hill towards the entrance to the Spilberk Castle - a medieval and early modern residence for the Margraves of Moravia, but more notoriously known as a Hapsburg prison - which it was for centuries after this region was absorbed into the Austrian empire.

And a view from the castle to the cathedral on its own hill across town.

Here are two shots of the medieval town hall of Brno - the first from inside its courtyard and the second the passage under the tower out to the street. There is a funny story about the crocodile hanging in the tunnel, who is know as the Brno Dragon. I read a couple different versions of the story while I was there, but I'll just relate the funniest. There was a legend that a dragon was ravaging crops and killing people around town. A reward was offered for its capture. An enterprising nobleman who was trying to get in good with the town father's so he could trade with Brno brought this crocodile that a friend of his had killed in the Amazon and gave it to the city. He said it was the dragon and he had killed it. The city was thrilled and have displayed it ever since.

And finally, another interesting story is about this ossuary, under the Church of St. Jacob. Apparently in 2001 they discovered 50,000 skeletons buried under the church. So to display this newly discovered space and its contents - allegedly the second largest ossuary in Europe after the catacombs in Paris - they covered the walls in the all the bones. Look closely at the close up of the wall on the right side and you'll see skulls and the ends of arm and leg bones. Now image all the rest of the walls in this room and a few others are the same! Crazy and creepy ... but kind of cool.

Last Supper

The night before we left Brno, we invited everyone out to dinner at restaurant/brewery we'd been to earlier in the week and really liked. It was a really wonderful evening and everyone had a great time.

Here is everyone at the table - a real family reunion - just Azra was missing :(.

 

Here are the kids color with some crayons and paper we brought them - which turned out to have been a great idea. They ran around a lot and the restaurant and other patrons were very patient. Everyone was joking that watching Dante and Niki play and Didi run after them was like watching Jasko and Miran and Suzana thirty years ago. 

Here are some stylish pictures of Mimica and Suna posing at the bar.

All the gentlemen:

 And Miran with all the ladies:

And here is a view of the outside of the restaurant:

Dinner at Jasmin and Lucie's

Sorry I haven't posted since before we left Brno. As soon as we got home it was back to real life and hectic schedules. But I'm going to bring the blog back up to speed.

We really enjoyed all the time with family while we were in Brno and everyone was so wonderful and hospitable. We were invited to dinner at everyone's house - and at Suna and Mimica's more than once!

Here are a couple of pictures from the afternoon we spent at the apartment of Miran's cousin Jasmin (aka Jasko).  The pictures are of Jasko searching for a video to show us of when he visited their grandparents farm near Foca a few years ago, his children Dante and Diana (aka Didi - yes, everyone has a nickname here) in there very fun play/bedroom, the ladies (Aunt Suna, Jasko's wife Lucie, Milada and me), and Miran with Diana.

Miran definitely has a thing for little girls - and I don't mean that in a creepy way at all. But just like he is completely smitten with Maggie and Ingrid, he was just in love with Diana. He claims he wants us to have a son, but I think he definitely needs a couple of daughters!